In about nine days, my existence here in the world is going to get a year older (and wiser, I hope). For some reason, I am very scared for this day to come. Not eager but more of anxious. It is the first time that I feel this, having the usual feeling of excitement for the day to come knowing that happiness is about to come my way. This time, it is different. Very different to the point that I want the clock to stop ticking so that my day would not come to me at my current state. I do not want to feel pathetic on my special day.
Birthday celebrants are supposed to feel special on their own days, right?
I cry as I type this knowing that I may not experience the feeling of being special. The feeling of being loved by everybody else. I just wish that when that day comes, I forget that that is supposed to be a special day of mine. Regard it as just an ordinary day and feel less pity for myself. Because, really. There is nothing to look forward to. I am so pathetic. I feel so depressed right now. I hate how things are going right now. I just cannot seem to cope with things–new things that I did not expect to come along this soon.
I wanna feel better but I do not know how. I do not like this feeling. Help me push this out. Happiness, come at me. NOW.
- Feel it. (divinediscoveries.wordpress.com)