I guess I just grew tired of everything. Got tired of waiting for my phone to light up and hope that a new text message will suddenly appear. And when finally the phone decides to do so, hope that it is from you. When a message is from you, I get the slightest glint of hope that you’re gonna initiate the talk that we’re supposed to have weeks ago. And when you finally bring it up and/or set a schedule for it, all of my hopes get skyrocket-high just to find out that you’ve decided to chicken out on me (as you always do) and forget all about it. As if nothing happened. As if there were no us.

I’m probably tired of thinking about us when I’m just holding on to its slightest possibility. Any moment I could slip out just like that and you seem to not bother about it at all. How stupid of me to hold on to something I am not sure if that is actually still there.

Maybe, my friends have been right all along…

You have been doing the things that you want (or need) without the consideration of me. A person who truly loves and cares for someone wouldn’t do such a thing but you can do so easily. Doesn’t that say a lot already?

Maybe, it’s true that I should stop having flings with people and just enjoy being single so that I could wait until I meet that guy who sees that his life mission is to make me happy, without me thinking the same way. That I don’t need someone who’s asking me to understand him like it was my business to sacrifice that much (given the fact that we’re not officially together in a relationship)…and that I could do better.

I guess it’s just now that I actually started to listen to what my mind has been telling me for months now. That we are not supposed to be together and maybe, I should might as well let go of this. Whatever with him has a vague future, anyway. But maybe, I just couldn’t believe myself that I could leave him at this moment in time where everything seems to be falling apart for him. I don’t know. If giving up was ever an option, maybe I have done so long ago. But I don’t think it is because…

Probably the reason why I couldn’t let go of him. And have settled an agreement with self that I should stay friends with him no matter what the outcome of this thing will be. And maybe, a little conciliatory gesture, just because I can’t leave him like this.