I just think that I have too much on my plate right now. Like I know that I should be finishing them all up alright already but looks like I just don’t have the appetite for all of it just yet. I want to start with it at a much later time but as a known fact, I can’t because it will be spoiled out sooner.
First filling up the plate is my academics. I am seriously having a hard time deciding on which subjects to take up for the semester. Even worse, I can’t seem to have an agreement with self on the number of units I can take up (or I can perfectly balance with my extra curricular activities and social life, also on priority). It is now a matter of choosing the right subjects with the right amount and the schedule to fully optimize my time with close friends. Given the condition of myself being delayed for a year before graduation, I am having the advantage of setting my responsibilities more realistically workable. Having my time completely in my hands, totally controllable and take my course subjects one step at a time. But since having this loose time entails that I won’t be classmates with my closest friends, I don’t know anymore. I am not so sure… I know that I should grab this opportunity to be with them but also the chance to concentrate on the major subjects that I am taking up.
Please please please. Give me a sign on what to do. Which decision to take. Help me, pretty please with cherries on top.
Second is my affiliation with organizations. I am actively involved in two out of my organizations (currently, there are five). My home-based organization or my for-a-cause organization–I don’t know which between the two I should put first. Here’s the sitch to have a better understanding of things. Well, I have been in a relationship with the former organization for more than three years now. Though, I’ve fallen out of love because of some unfortunate events that have made me emotionally broken. So, I’ve decided just the semester before to apply in the latter organization. Everything has gone well and I can say that I’ve been in love with this organization and with its people (also probably especially to this certain person whom I’ll discuss more about on my next issue). Too tired to hang on the old one and too scared to get entirely attached to the new one. I don’t know. Really…
Third is friendships falling apart. Right now, I am not in good terms with one of my friends. I just can’t stand her guts. Seriously. She is just too full of herself and I’m having a hard time letting it pass. I just hope that things go back to the way they really are. And I pray that the anger that I have in my heart will just vanish. Poof! And it will be okay again. Help me understand her more… Also, I am not catching up with my college colleagues. I am just not so sure if our group is really falling apart–looks like that factions are being created unconsciously (or probably consciously) and this happening saddens me.
The last that I am going to blog about is my lovelife. Okay, so as you can see in my previous posts, there’s this guy that I am in like with. About that, I am not sure with what happened… Me thinks that he has gotten back on liking that person whom I look like ’cause she is again conveniently available to you. And since you were probably choosing between us, you have chosen her because it was originally her. Really her; not me. I was just a replacement, maybe. But probably, not even. I don’t know. I just want to say thank you for your time the past few days. And I guess that special attention is now over, and I am back to my lone self. My pride (and also probably heart) is hurting because all my past loves are now happily dating other people and here I am having an alone time with self for almost a year now. My heart, body, and mind are craving for it–for someone who will show some love and affection, someone whom I can be assured with, and someone whom I can look forward a future with. My heart… Future hubby, where are you now?
These are just the few things. I know that many of these are not even that significant and not much of a big deal, you might say. But for me, these are the things that matter. I just hope to have these things settled soon. I want to settle these internal conflicts and finally have inner peace!!!