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Person 1: I’ve had a boyfriend who only used me. That’s what I’m thinking. We were never really able to watch a movie together because everytime that we did, we were just doing it for an extreme makeout and touching of private parts session. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust a guy again…

Person 2: How do you know he only wanted to be with you for that stuff? It’s natural if you’re physically attracted to someone and in a relationship with them to want to do physical stuff. Were you ever against that stuff you were doing? Did you ever talk about it? If not, then you can’t assume he’s only used you. If so, then you may be right, but it doesn’t mean you can’t trust again. I know it’s hard, but you have to have faith. Get to know someone really well before trusting them and see where it leads.

Don’t let one jerk stop you from living x

Person 1: Re boyfriend who only used me: I’m thinking that because he kind of “fell out of love” with me when he started getting close and attracted to this another girl, who fyi has bigger boobs. He chose her over me. I was hurt. And still hurting. Also, I was against those physical stuff. He asked me; but I said that it was okay for I was scared. :/ Anyway, I love your last advice. I will. Thank you very much! xxx

Person 2: I don’t think it’s possible to ‘fall out of love’ with somebody.. You either always love somebody or you never did.. That’s just a personal opinion.. I’m sorry you had to go through such a painful experience, nobody deserves to be put through that. But I’m sure you’ll come out of it much stronger, don’t let him break your trust for other guys and don’t ever do anything that you feel uncomfortable with.. Glad I could help 🙂 x

 

*I have italicized parts of the conversation which have had a very strong impact on me. As you can see, almost all that she said have affected me. They are very relevant and enlightening.

 

Okay. I have issues–trust issues, in particular. I have mentioned this before and what caused this was me being left for other people a lot of times already. Being walked out on once is hurtful. Twice is bullshit. Thrice is what-the-heck, there must be something wrong with me. Fourth is I don’t know anymore. But some complete utter askljhdf;

 

The love of my life was the third one to leave me hanging. I don’t even remember why it happened. Oh yeah, he wasn’t ready. Now, I remember. He said that I was going way too fast and he couldn’t keep up with me. And so he left. I was alone, keeping up with the fast pace of life.

With that, I met the fourth guy. Our relationshit, sorry, I meant relationship was the shallow one–the one that just sought for companionship. It was the one that was powered by hormones, revenge, and shitty emotions. I knew from the start that it wasn’t real (or probably just to me) and always thought that the previous one would always be the love of my life. Hmm, let’s say that number four was just a good past time. Though, of course, I didn’t let him know that. He even talked about forever… Also, that was also one thing that I could spare him for saving me from an emotional wreck caused by the love of my life. And so when we were still together, that special person suddenly came into the picture again, trying to win me back. I refused his offer. I just couldn’t let the then-present guy have a heartache after the salvation he’d given me. But when all of the relationship’s kernel of power had been used up, the time-up bell rang for our affair. It was soon over.

I had regrets for not accepting the LOML’s proposal. I just let it go… And that I think will be my forever enslaving experience. It was only him whom I trusted fully, whom I’ve shown the entirety of my personhood to, and whom I thought I was gonna spend forever with. And what hurt (fyi, still hurts) the most is the fact that we couldn’t make things work out when we both know that the feeling of love we have for each other is very much mutual.

It sucks. Yesterday, I just came to the conclusion that I will only be able to be open with and trust someone again if I will be able to redeem myself with you–if we finally enact the what-might-have-been if only I agreed that night from a year ago. I am not so sure but that is what I think it is. I will never be able to entirely like someone new and stop comparing that person to you… Well, not unless if we try again and make things right.

 

But looks like all these are impossible now.

I don’t know.

 

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