It’s when you got your hopes up for a something that you wouldn’t normally be expecting on—something you wouldn’t normally give a fuck about.
And when you do, you are soooo damn amazed at yourself how you are even able to expect something that relates to this matter.
You want it to be a little clearer? Perhaps, more specific?
So, here’s the sitch.
I am NEVER grade conscious. And when I say never, believe me, it has never really happened. For the past semesters, i.e. since the first day of college, I don’t give a fuck as to what grade I’m getting on a particular subject. Like srsly. I’d be happy to see a 3.0 (lowest attainable passing grade) for a grade in a subject. And yeah, a little heartbroken to see a 5.0 (failing mark). To see a 1.0 (highest attainable mark) would be quite a miracle. I didn’t care. Didn’t till I viewed my grades since during the first semester of my first year. Saw all the crappy, just passing grades… I thought to myself that I could do so much better, just like in high school. And so I’d decided to work much harder and better during the semester that had just passed. I really studied and gave time to do all of the requirements needed for me to fulfill in a specific course.
All was well till I almost lost hope in this subject ES12. However, I thought that I could do it. Thus, fought for it till the end and still tried what I could. Finally, I got a 3.0. I said, fair enough. Better for I could have even flunked it but eventually didn’t. I was really thankful for that.
And to compromise for that very low grade, I had a 1.0 in ES10, a GE subject. This made not just happy but also hopeful that I could still reach that goal. WOW! Everything seemed to be working so well.
In another subject ES 26, I didn’t learn superbly. Just okay. I wasn’t expecting a really high grade on this course. But hello, it just wow-ed me to see that I got a 1.75! YAY! Expectation starts to build up even more.
I think that this has to be told in this entry. The day after I knew that my final grade in ES 26 was 1.75, my professor approached me and asked me if I was already contented with the grade that I had. I said yes, in a heartbeat.
Then there’s this another subject EnE 31. Again, I wasn’t expecting a high grade on this course. Just somewhat a grade of two point something. But to my surprise, I got a 1.75. OKAY by this time, I was sort of sure that I would reach my goal. I would be a college scholar, finally (after being in college for three years)!
The only subjects that are left to surprise me and to decide on my being a college scholar are Eng 30 and IE 22.
Okay. Breathe. So in Eng 30, our professor showed our tentative grades based on our performances so far. I had a standing of 1.5 that could still have a one-step up! *crosses fingers for that one step up*
And in IE 22, I am not sure exactly of what grade I’m really expecting. Well, honestly, I was expecting a grade of atleast a 1.75. But I’d been asking friends if it was possible for me to get a grade higher than that and all of them were like, “Yeah, definitely!” This made me expect. Those are my friends. I’d believe them, of course.
So it was all up to CRS (Computer Registration System where the final grades are posted online) to update me for all that has happened to my goal. April 12, 2011 was the last day of grade submission. That is today.
I checked the site. And guess what… I got just a 1.75 in IE 22. I was expecting a 0.25-grade higher than that so that I could still reach my goal. Oh well, I thought that the professor in Eng 30 would be kind enough to spare me that one step up in my grade.
And to my surprise, a text message. From my professor. My final grade in Eng 30 is… tada. 1.5. No one step up in my grade.
I didn’t reach my goal for the semester, that is to become a college scholar (to have a general weighted average of 1.75). I was 0.25-grade short in one subject.
Thinking of all these now, what if I jsut said to my professor in ES 26 that I wasn’t contented. He could have given me a one step up in my grade or something… I could have tried atleast a little.
It sucks when you get your hopes up only to find out that you are not really reaching that thing.
It sucks when you think that you almost have it, only to find out that you actually don’t.
It sucks to know that you could have done something way before to make things better but you didn’t. SUCKS
P.S. Sorry for a very rant-full post.